STAW Vol 1. pt. 4

I don’t want to be summoned into another world. No, really. I don’t. 

“You remind me of somebody I used to know,” I tell the brother whom is glaring at me and looking as if he is going to use those pretty little nails of his to tear my throat out. It’s just so hard to take a man seriously when he paints his nails.

“Is that so?” he asks me and gets out of his chair.

“It is. You see, back before I was transferred, I had a boss who brought his son onto the management team as soon as he got his degree. He had no real experience, no ambition, and expected everybody to kiss up to him on demand. In other words, you remind me of an immature, lazy nobody who is better off flipping burgers and calling out of work because you’re ‘sick’ when you really just want to be lazy and play video games.”

“What is a ‘burger?’” he asks me.

Of course that’s all he got out of that.

As if everything else I said had a five-second delay on being processed by his brain, his eyes narrow as he starts stomping toward me.

“I will have you know, human, that I have lived your life ten times over. How old are you? Forty? Fifty?”

“I’m old enough to recognize an immature brat when I see one. Look, somebody calls you out on your flaws and you get aggressive and resort to ad hominem attacks. If there is one thing that being old should prove, it is that age is but a number and that idiots will always be idiots. I have seen fifteen-year-olds with more purpose than you.”

Something about this is just so… exhilarating. Despite the fact that a devil is approaching me with an intent to kill in his eyes, I cannot help but to feel excited – to smile. It’s as if decades of biting my tongue to climb the corporate ladder is now being done all at once! If anything, I just want to keep on pointing out every single flaw that I can spot. I want to utterly degrade the man in front of me. I want him to know that I am better than him, and I want him to know that he is a pathetic little boy in comparison to me.

You know what? Let’s do exactly that. “That isn’t all. When is the last time that you have looked in a mirror? I do not know about the other devil tribes around here, but I would find it very difficult to take somebody who looks like a goth twink seriously. No, calling you a twink is an insult to twinks. They would at least do their nails properly. Now that you’re closer, I can see just how jagged your nails are. You chew on them like a little kid, don’t you?” I ask him, spotting Lilith checking her nails in the corner of my vision. She hides her hands from me as soon as I look her way.

“I hope you enjoy this while it lasts, human, for I am going to kill you,” he snarls at me. I have to admit, as much as I am calling him a child, he knows how to sound intimidating.

But that’s it.

“Are you sure? Your hands look as smooth as a newborn’s bottom. I doubt that you have ever done a single day’s worth of hard labor, and I doubt that you have ever killed a man with them.”

“Why would I use my hands?” he says as a ball of crackling, red energy forms in the palm of his hand. The ball then takes shape and forms into a… of course, a trident. A devil just has to have a trident, doesn’t he? “You… what are you planning?!” he shouts and jumps back.

“Nothing. I am waiting for you to ‘kill’ me,” I tell him.

“Lies! You will not deceive me! I saw that look in your eyes when you beheld my weapon! No human would ever look disappointed by a devil’s weapon! Even angels and the greatest of chosen heroes fear our weapons!”

“It’s a red trident. Am I supposed to be impressed? Sure, it has some spiky black parts on it, but it just looks like something a goth found in a shopping mall.”

“You continue using that word, ‘goth!’ What does it mean? And I know that as arrogant as you may be, there is not a single man alive whom would not fear this!” he shouts, swinging his trident around before pointing it at the ceiling and shooting a ray of red energy straight through it.

Chunks of the ceiling and roof fall down around him.

“Congratulations. You just worsened our budget situation. Are you going to fix that yourself?” I ask him.

“You must be insane, human. Fine, I will show you what true fear is!” he declares.

Let me guess, he’s going to either transform, bring out an even bigger weapon, or blow something else up that is going to be annoying to repair?

“Aaarghh!” he screams as a wild beast would as the horns on his head triple in size. Black, bat-like wings grow from his back as those now-tripled horns start glowing a crimson red. Crimson claws replace his fingers and toes, his eyes glow just as bright as his horns now are, and his teeth get replaced with sharp fangs.

You know, he might actually kind of scary if it wasn’t for his little transformation causing his eyeliner to run. I am sure that some teenage girls with bright hair and black clothes would love how he looks right now, but now he just makes me think of a middle-aged woman who got all dolled up for a date only to get stood up and has been crying over wine and cake with her three cats.

“Is that it?” I ask him. He looks bewildered by the fact that I am still not impressed. “If you’re going to kill me, do it already. You don’t have to waste my time by playing show and tell.”

“Foolish human!” he shouts, his voice even deeper than before. Only, before he actually had a pleasant voice. I could imagine his previous voice being used for the radio. Now? Now he just sounds like he’s been a lifelong chain smoker.

“You’re not going to twist your head around and projectile vomit everywhere now, are you?” I want to make sure that my suit isn’t about to get ruined. With a sigh, I look at Lilith and give her an order. “Make me a weapon.”

“Milord? Make you a weapon?” she asks.

“Yes. Do what your brother did, and then hand it to me.”

“Wh-what are you going to do with it, Milord?”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Kill him? B-but, he’s my brother, and—”

I look over at him first to make sure that he’s making the classic mistake of not acting while his opponents are talking. He is. Rather than take my life at any second like he could, he is hovering in the air with his little bat wings and glaring at me. I look back at Lilith. “So? You told me yourself that he just wants to trade you away, and he doesn’t seem to care about you in the slightest. A boy as pathetic as him has no reason to be kept around in either of our lives and letting him live will only cause future problems.”

“Y-you could just banish him! I know that he’s been horrible to me, Milord, but… he is still my—”

“Yes, I could banish him so that he could somehow lead a rebellion against me in the future or join forces with some annoying brat of a hero.”

“Then what about prison?”

“Sure, only for him to somehow escape on his own, convince you to let him out, or to get some other external help in freeing him only to then do what I said before.”

Lilith looks at her brother.

I can see the sadness and fear in her eyes, but it isn’t what a loving sister has towards her brother.

“He… is all I have left, Milord, I can’t…”

“Are you forgetting about me? You have me now; you don’t need to hold yourself back by being the subservient little sister. I assure you that I will be making enough use of you that you have no time to even think of missing him. Now, this is the final time that I am going to tell you. Make. Me. A. Weapon.”

Looking at me with teary eyes, she mimics her brother and makes a trident only slightly different from his. The only real difference between their weapons is that the one she made is slimmer, shorter, and not as spiky.

She hands it over, and I take it from her.

It’s heavier than I thought it’d be. She handled it without any issue, but I feel like I am going to pull the muscles in my arms and back just by holding it up with both of my hands.

I look at my waiting opponent. “Now then, how about we settle this like men? Prove to me that you are more respectable than a bratty little child,” I challenge him.

“I will entertain your final request, human. You have earned as much for standing fearless before my true form,” he says.

I roll my eyes and get on with it. “We will charge straight at each other in a head-on attack. There will be no tricks, no magic, no dodging, no running away – we will face each other, like men, and we will see who kills who.”

“Ha! Foolish until the end! If this is how you wish to die, so be it.”

“We will charge on zero. Lilith, count down from three to zero. Now.”

Lilith looks conflicted when I look over at her, but she hesitantly agrees. “Uuu… three… two…”

Her brother and I look into each other’s eyes.

“One… zero!”

Her brother’s wings propel him toward him at an incredible speed. With his hair being blown behind him thanks to his insane speed, I can see the full glory of his middle-aged woman’s eyes that are fueled by an intense desire to kill me.

I suppose I should charge now. It isn’t like there’s that much space between us to start with.

At this rate, he’s going to crash straight into me and probably kill me from the force of impact alone.

I take two steps forward, hold the trident out as far as it can reach, and step to the side.

My opponent flies straight into the trident while completely missing me with his own.

He cries out in agony before crashing onto the floor, causing the trident to embed itself farther into his chest.

“You – you lied to me!” he shouts at me as what appears to be red energy flows out from where the trident is embedded into his chest.

“Of course I did. I am supposed to become the dark lord, and I am just a human. Why should I play fairly?”

“You treacherous human! I gave you the honor of listening to your final request out of respect for your defiance, and this is how you repay me!”

“It isn’t like I asked for your respect. I owed you nothing. Besides, you are the one who said that I would not deceive you. So much for that,” I taunt, taking his own trident out of his weakened hands and holding it above his neck.