MMG Second Monday

Elves not only make great paramedics but cute wives, too! 

Since the beginning of their history, elves have been known as healers. Whether it was using magic back when such a thing was still possible, or creating remedies in the forests that they came from using natural ingredients to heal wounds and illnesses, elves have always been regarded as some of the greatest healers in existence.

Even now, in a world where magic is no longer possible and where most elves live in cities of steel and cement with everybody else, elves are still respected for their natural affinity when it comes to all things healing.

Modern elves still find themselves drawn to healing and helping others as well, but that does not mean that they enjoy such a thing.

“I just want to drink my coffee! Stop driving over every single pothole in the city!” the elven woman shouts at other elf next to her. While the shouting elf is more of a traditional elf with pale skin, bright blue eyes, and long blonde hair tied up in a single ponytail, the elf sitting next to her has obsidian skin, short and white hair, and yellow eyes – a dark elf. She’s also driving an ambulance with the sirens blaring. The speed and route of the ambulance make it impossible for the disgruntled elf to just drink her coffee.

The blonde elf tries one more time to take a sip from her cheap cup of coffee, but a bump manages to snag the bottom of the lid on her lips. What happens next is hot coffee spilling all over both the driver and the passenger of the ambulance.

…

“So, you accidentally spilled coffee all over yourself and Laena, made her almost crash, and then had to help a guy who got his arm stuck in a meat grinder?” a man asks, his hands wrapped around the blonde elf and patting her on the back.

“Yeah! It was horrible! I hate my job!” the blonde elf whines.

“Then why not get a new job, Raeli?”

“Because I love my job, but I hate it at the same time! Stupid elven nature making me some sort of masochist…” Raeli, the blonde elf, whines. “How was work, Jake? I hope your day sucked as much as mine.”

“Aha, that’s not very nice of you to wish,” Jake answers.

“But you know I don’t mind it,” Raeli says with a pout.

“I know, I know. Work was fine. I had to process a few new demis who’ve only been recently transformed. One of them was brought in by Daniel. A demi-cat girl. Guess he plans on letting her stay with him for a while.”

“A girlfriend?” Raeli pulls herself off of Jake and looks him directly in the eyes. “Danny finally has a girlfriend? We’ll finally have somebody to go on double dates with! I’ve always wanted to go on double dates. What’s she like? Were they super lovey-dovey? Was she cute?” Raeli looks more serious now. “Was she cute?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Nobody is as cute as my favorite elf wife,” Jake answers.

“You make it sound like you have multiple wives! Where are they? You hiding them from me? I’ll find them!” Raeli pouts, but they both end up smiling and laughing after a couple of seconds. “I’m happy he’s finally found somebody to keep him some company.”

“Same. I texted him asking for more details, but all I got back was – hang on,” Jake pulls out his phone and opens up his conversation with Daniel. Showing the phone’s screen to Raeli, she sees a demi-cat girl sprawled out on top of a pile of clothes with an inflated stomach and a fish bone sticking out from her mouth.

The text below the picture reads, “She acts all regal and proper whenever she’s around me, every time I come home from work, I find her like this. I’ve had to go shopping twice this week already. She’s a total glutton when alone.”

“Aww! She’s stress eating from being alone!” Raeli says. “And she’s a total cutie! She’s just so small and cute!” She snatches the phone out from Jake’s hand and hands it back a few seconds later. The picture is no longer there, but Raeli has a large smile on her face. “I can’t have you having pictures of cute girls who aren’t me on your phone.”

“So jealous.”

“I can’t have anybody stealing my personal chef away from me! Speaking of which…” Raeli hungrily eyes the kitchen as a strand of drool hangs from her lower lip.

“Am I only good for my cooking?” Jake asks.

Raeli leans in to whisper something into his ear, telling him about something else that starts with the letter c that he is good for.

The two exchange a gentle kiss before Jake gets up and heads into the kitchen.

“You’re so easy, honey,” Raeli teases.

“Says the one who sleeps with a man just for his cooking,” Jake teases right back at her.

Later that evening, once Raeli has eaten her husband-prepared salad full of her favorites vegetables that he ensures are always kept in stock in their home, the two cuddle on a couch while flipping through television channels in search of something interesting to watch.

Finding a channel is made difficult when Raeli continuously pulls Jake’s glasses off of his face. “You know, I can’t tell if I skip something interesting as long as you’re doing this,” Jake says.

“It’s okay. I’ve already found something interesting to watch,” Raeli answers.

“And what would that be?”

“You.”

Jake’s face goes red. As much as he knows he should be used to her bold and flirtatious teasing by now, actually getting used to it is an entirely different story. “What did I tell you about teasing me?”

“That you actually love it and wish I’d do it more.”

“I’m – I’m not talking about what I said when I was drunk,” Jake says and pinches her nose.

“Whatever you say, hone—wh-what are you doin—” Raeli’s voice is cut off by a high-pitched combination of a squeak and a moan when Jake kisses the tip of her nearest, elongated ear. Now she’s the one who is red from her neck up to the tips of her elven ears. “Wh-what did I tell you about teasing me?” she asks.

“That you love it and wish I’d do it to you more,” Jake teases.

“It – it doesn’t count if it’s said while I’m drunk!”

“So those times that you’ve told me that you love me while drunk weren’t true?”

“N-no… those were… but that’s different!”

“You sure?”

Rather than answer him, Raeli thrusts herself on top of him, grabs him by his shoulders, and pins him down to the couch. With her now-messy hair hanging down around their faces as if it’s a curtain, she presses her lips to his own and begins their somehow-still-nightly-after-seven-months-of-marriage kissing session.

But, after only a few minutes, Raeli stops and looks into his eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Ah, nothing. Just thinking about when we first met,” Jake answers.

“Kissing me isn’t good enough to hold your attention anymore!”

“Kissing you is what made me think of it. I just never expected to go from there to here. I mean, were you expecting to meet somebody that you were going to marry after that happened?”

“I realized while it was happening that you were going to forever be my only,” Raeli says, kissing him once more. “You were just too cool for me to not totally fall in love with at first sight.”

…

“Let go of me!” Raeli shouts, trying herself away from the man who has her pinned by her back to an alleyway wall. But, she’s too weak. Her assailant is just so much larger and stronger than her.

“What’s wrong? Come on, I thought you elf bitches loved this sort of play? Elf bitches are supposed to love getting dominated by us,” the man says and then oinks. He’s a pigman – a man with the body of a morbidly obese human, but the pink skin and head of a pig.

After seeing tears running from her eyes, he leans his head in and runs his tongue up her cheek to right underneath her eye. “I can taste that they’re fake, so stop making this so hard,” he grunts as he uses one of his legs to spread about her own.

This gives her the perfect opportunity to bring her left knee right up against his crotch as hard as she can.

With a pained squeal, the pigman lets go of her and grabs his crotch as he almost doubles over from the pain. “You bitch! I’m going to kill you when I’m done with you!” he shouts at her as she runs out of the alley.

It’s dark, the streets are dead, and only a single car can be seen coming her way in the distance.

She runs out onto the road and starts waving her hands. “Help me! Please! I’m being attacked!” she screams. She is so focused on survival that she doesn’t notice the people in nearby stores or apartment complexes watching out from their windows. This part of town just doesn’t care about helping each other.

But this is her home, and this isn’t the first time somebody has tried assaulting her. It is, however, the first time that her taser wasn’t of any assistance.

“Nobody’s gonna help you, bitch! They’ll help me if anything!” the pigman squeals as he charges from the alley at her.

“Please!” Raeli screams, dropping to her knees in front of the car’s path.

Coming to a screeching stop, the car slams on its brakes and stops right in front of where Raeli is.

Her pig of a pursuer stops to wait and see what the driver’s intentions are.

A single, human man comes out from the car. He has short and black hair, a pair of thin glasses sitting on his face that looks sharp and boyish, and he’s wearing a business suit. Despite how much smaller than the pigman the driver is, she can’t help but feel assured that everything will be alright when he immediately takes off his coat and wraps it around her torn blouse.

“It’s alright. You’re safe now,” he says, kneeling down next to her and completely ignoring the pigman.

Raeli looks up at him with teary eyes and wants nothing more than to hug him and cry, but she sees the pigman’s fist en route to the back of the human’s head.

She parts her lips to scream for him to watch out.

Before she has a chance to, the human sets her down, grabs onto the pigman’s wrist, and masterfully uses the pigman’s own weight and inertia to pin him down to the ground with his wrist behind his back.

In less than a second, Raeli has gone from being held by the human to watching as the human restrains the pigman with utter ease.

“Police will be here soon. Please, don’t worry,” the human says, using his free hand to push up his glasses.

“Who the fuck are you?!” the pigman shouts.

“Jacob Williams, Demi-Human Integration Society case handler, and I just got off of five hours of overtime,” Jacob says.

Only a few minutes later and a patrol vehicle pulls up with its sirens blaring. Two officers get out of the car, one of which is a friend of Jacob’s. “Hey, Dan, took you long enough. My arm is starting to get tired,” Jacob says.

“You’re always getting yourself into trouble. You know this is our job, not yours, right?” Daniel asks.

“Hey, they didn’t teach us case handlers martial arts for nothing.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll take it from here. Thanks for keeping him secured.”

Jacob gets off of the pigman and checks on the elf. “How’re you feeling? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” he asks her.

Raeli shakes her head. “No, I’m – I’m fine. You stopped him before he was able to do anything,” she says with flushed cheeks, unable to look Jacob in the eyes.

“Not anything. I wish I could have gotten here sooner, but I guess it’s a good thing I had to work overtime or I would’ve been home hours ago.”

Raeli shudders at the thought. Somebody’s overtime shift has ended up being the difference between the worst and best scenarios of what could have happened with that pigman.

“Hey, you look familiar. Have I seen you around before?” Jacob asks.

“E-eh? No, I don’t think so,” Raeli says, looking into his eyes now with confused and wide eyes of her own.

Jacob lights up as if he’s just realized something upon seeing her eyes. “That’s it! I’ve seen you at the hospital. You’re a paramedic, aren’t you?” he asks her.

“Yeah, I am,” she answers with a slow nod of her head.

“I knew I’ve seen you around. Anyways, can I at least drive you home or wherever you’re going? I can show you my ID if you don’t believe that I’m legi—”

“It’s fine, I trust you. Umm – yeah, thanks. You can drive me home. I’m not far from here.”

“Alright. Dan, is it okay if I email my report to you?” Jacob asks, looking at the two police officers trying to squeeze the pigman into the back of their vehicle.

“No problem!” Daniel shouts back.

“Thanks!” Jacob looks at Raeli again. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“Raeli – Raeli Vala. And you’re Jacob? Can I call you Jake?” Raeli asks.

“Jake is fine by me.”

…

“And then you changed your mind and decided you wanted to go out and get wasted to forget everything that happened, tried pulling my pants down after I took you home and carried you to your bed, and passed out before you could remember how zippers work,” Jake says, lying underneath Raeli on their couch.

“You – you don’t have to remind me of that part. It was traumatic! And I wanted to get drunk, and I was already in love with you, so my mind didn’t care if we barely knew each other,” Raeli says with a pout. “Hey, I never asked. There’re a ton of girls like me at the hospital. Why’d you pick me? I thought us elves didn’t look that different to humans.”

She gets her answer when she feels her chest get groped.

“You dick!” she shouts and giggles. “I always knew it! You only like me for my chest!”

“And your eyes, your nose, ears, cheeks, chin, jawline, lips, hair – I love you for every single part of you, my beautiful Raeli. You being well endowed is just a bonus. Two large bonuses, but just bonuses.”

“You’re such a dick, but I love that part of you,” she says and kisses him.

“Hey, calling the man who saved you and married you a dick isn’t very nice of you,” he says and kisses her back.

“Deal with it.”

“Gladly.”

And just like almost every single other night, the two do what the pigman only wishes he could have done to her nearly two years ago.

And just like every single morning after what they do almost every single other night, Jake can’t find where his loving, still-sleeping wife has tossed his glasses to when they were stripping each other. But, he can’t be mad. When he looks at his bed and sees his precious wife sleeping so happily and contently underneath their sheets that they’ve chosen together, he knows that he can gratefully deal with having to look for his glasses every morning for the rest of their lives.